It’s been two years since I started this blog, and it’s still so empty. There are many things I want to write about, yet I’ve only managed to publish a small number of (admittedly) uninteresting articles.
Two years ago, I was very excited for my future. Today, I feel like a failure.
It’s not really because of this blog. Yes, this blog is nowhere near what I expected it to be. If I had been unable to keep it updated because of being too busy with my other projects, then that would have been fine. But this blog isn’t the only thing I’m failing at.
The truth is, I’m not doing well in my life right now. I’ve been in a demotivated state for quite some time already, but haven’t figured a way out of it just yet.
This started when I was still working. I didn’t hate my job, but I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere in life. Reality just wasn’t lining up to my expectations, and things have only been getting worse.
I’ve already quit my job to start my own thing. That was always the plan. I was hoping that my new freedom would remotivate me, but that does not seem to be the case. I’m still not progressing at the rate that I’m supposed to.
Then there’s relationships. Just recently, I stopped seeing the person whom I’ve been dating for the last few years, and it’s been rough. I still wish things worked out between us.
Lately, I’ve also become more resentful towards my dad. Some days I feel like it would be better to just to cut him off. But that’s a bit extreme.
Finally, there’s all the other projects I want to do but haven’t. Do I even have the time? Well, if I think about it, I actually waste a lot of time on unnecessary things. So yes, I think it’s very much possible to achieve them, just not in the current state that I am in.
Maybe I’m expecting too much from myself. Maybe I’m rushing things. Maybe I need to let go of some of my dreams. Honestly, I don’t know. At this point, my life is a big question mark.
I’m not giving up yet. There’s a reason why, despite the lack of activity, this website is still up. I’m not sure how, but I believe that one day I will get my life back together.